omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
