her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
