do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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