Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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