so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
