New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize