Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
