Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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