Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
