dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
