My friends, they love my intelligence
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
kristin has been a bad kristin
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
