You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
