she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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