I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I smell stomach acid.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
