Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
