AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
True strength comes from lack of pants
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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