everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
