we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
