I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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