Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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