went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
