why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dick very happy bro
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
