And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
