Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
