I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
