After last night, I could never be a politician.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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