You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
