Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
