dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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