Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
