forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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