His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
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