Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My vagina just recognized that song.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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