This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
