Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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