I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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