I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
