Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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