I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
