mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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