You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
