Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
