Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
