I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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