I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
