Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
