Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
