my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
