So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
