I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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