He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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