So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
