If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
