I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
