I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I smell like Dick and happiness
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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