You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
