i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
