I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
