I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
