The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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