Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Of course I have a pirate flag
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
