have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
