The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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