im drinking this country out of the recession.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
