I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
