Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
