Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
