i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
