You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
