Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
