About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
