woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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