so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
