I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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