i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
