I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
