Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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