What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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