Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
