That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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