Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
