I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
