He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
