dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
