I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
