He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
