When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize