We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
