Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
