I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
