NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
