This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
