they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
