Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
