Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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