I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
