i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize