If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
