so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
