the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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