I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
